


My Promise to Bring You Home

by Booksimonseesmorphine



Series: Simon's Coping with Writer's Block [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Computer Programming, Depression, Drinking, Explicit Language, Hallucinations, Jean has bad ideas, Jean is an asshole, Jean is bisexual, Jean is grumpy and sassy, Krista is a nurse, M/M, Marco is a Sweetheart, More tags later, Near Future, POV Jean Kirstein, Smart computer programs, Smoking, and Armin is not happy, poor Jean, side ArminxJean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 13:52:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2070759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booksimonseesmorphine/pseuds/Booksimonseesmorphine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean Is your average 22 year old, two toned hair asshole who is just barely getting by in his Computer Programming course. One day, he befriends a boy named Marco while he was studying with his roommate Armin. The pair quickly hit it off and become close best friends. Closer then anyone in their student body.<br/>Tragically, one day in October, Marco falls ill and doesn't make it. Jean is broken into pieces when he sees his best friend all dressed up and pretty before they close the lid on him. A month and a half later, Jean comes up with a way to bring his best friend back.<br/>Too bad it will take him over Two years and countless failures before he can sleep at night. Hearing his beloved best friend's breathing again through his Computer monitor and an opened CPU program that he created and labeled:<br/>PROG:_MAR/CO</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter Season and College Courses is a Terrible Mix.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Legendaerie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendaerie/gifts).



Hi, my name is Jean Kirstein I'm your usual, two toned hair , red beanie skinny jean wearin', 22 year old asshole who is just barely getting by in his Computer Programming course.

Life is just  _wonderful._  Couldn't be  _better_  actually,  My teacher hates my guts, I have no friends and my roommate Armin is a certified genius that he puts me to shame..Yeah..pretty smart.

Not only is he a smart pain in my behind, he loves,absolutely  _adores_  too call me out on my "bad ideas".

Pfft I had none..okay maybe that one time with the microwave..- but that's besides the point. 

College was the same old shit different day,seriously, it’s like a vicious cycle on constant repeat. _Wake up, get lectured, do homework,sleep repeat._

Like where is my “me” time? A man needs some “me” time am I right?

_Of course I am._

Anyway by now, I’m sitting outside in front of Sina Community College on a crappy old bench taking a drag of my cig. The weather is kinda gloomy, cloudy and looks like the sky’s going to open up any second.

Glancing up at the sorrow in the sky, I pull my cigarette out from between my lips and lean forward,elbows on my knees and my head draped downwards. Eyes tracing the cracks on the pavement as I blow smoke from my nose.

The burning sensation is brief,thankfully. That shit hurt the first few times. I keep tracing the cracks until I feel someone grabbing my hood from behind me and pulling it down to hide my face.

“Hey, what the-Armin. Really?” I sneered as he nodded.  When the hell did he get here anyway? 

“You’re going to be late and what did I say about you smoking,Jean you’re gonna-” I threw my head back and groaned, flicking the ashes off the tip.

“Yes,mother I know smoking is  _bad for your health and you’ll get all wrinkly and blah blah blah.”_  I stuck my tongue out as Armin frowned and crossed his arms tightly around his chest, glaring at me like I was a puppy that knocked over the dishes on the dinner table or something.

His golden hair swayed in the wind as he brought the collar of his black winter jacket toward his cheeks.

Kid couldn't handle winter for the life of him.

“ You’re going to be late for your class,Jean.” He repeated before muffling a sigh as I ran a hand through my hair, ruffling my undercut some.

“I’m going,I’m going, geez what has your whitey tighties in a bunch today?”  I asked, taking one last drag before throwing the butt on the ground, stomping it out with my worn out black combat boots.

“Nothing, just stressed out, do you mind if I bring a friend over to study?”  Armin gave me a lop sided smile as I walked toward him,gesturing him to follow.

"Sure, I guess. Not my place to say no." I shrugged as we walked into the building. The School was nice, as nice as any college would be, kind of had that generic look to it. Like something you'd see in a movie. 

"Alright good." Armin reached in his pocket as we walked to pick up his phone. He scrolled down until he hit someone's name and began to pound on the keys. Being the little jack-wagon I am, I began to lean over and read.

_"Hey,Jean said it was alright. Don't forget to bring you-"_  Jean do you mind not standing so close to me?" Armin waved his hand in front of his face while we strolled into the lobby. "You smell like a chimney."

I shrugged again the sighed, plopping down on the couch and leaning my head back onto the cushion after dropping my bag on the floor and kicking my feet up on the small table. "I think I'm gonna skip." I tried really hard not to laugh,Armin despises it when I think about skipping.

I think I heard him growl. 

"Jean no. You're in college now, not High School. Get your lazy behind up and come to Lit. 104 with me." He begged as I whined and got up again.

"Fine fine." I pulled my book bag from the floor and walked with him again. He's lucky I like him otherwise I'd still be sitting on my ass.

\----------

 When we finally end up in the class, I wanted to go back to my dorm. The class was small and the teacher was alright, I mean yeah they were nice and all, but I have no idea how Literature ties in with Computer Programming.

It was just one of those class that I didn't have to take, but I needed the credits in order to graduate. Armin and I walked in five minutes before our professor did. After we took our seats, myself in the back and Armin in the front, they began to teach, exactly when 11:30 hit.

“Morning  everyone, I need you to take out your notebooks and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I write a sentence on the board.” My professor, Eld Jinn was a nice guy, tall, blond hair tied in the back and married.

He always spoke of his wife no matter what the lesson was. As of what I heard, she’s a beautiful woman with these “breath taking blue eyes.”  I can imagine. What I wouldn't do for a beautiful woman like that. I’ve been single for god knows how long.

I need the attention and affection of another person..Woman or Man..Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I’m Bisexual,by the way. I've had my fair share of boyfriends,but that was a situation in high school I’d rather not remember..

To make a long story short, I almost got caught kissing my man in the locker room. Thankfully, he made up some random plan and said “Oh! You have something on your face,let me get that.” I liked him yeah, but I called it off in our senior year..I was too afraid to be caught and the laughing stock of the year.  

Nothing important was going on in my class while I reminisced about the good old days. Just students grabbing their books and pens, some were waiting while the prof. finished his writing, some were asleep and some looked like zombies. When Prof.Jinn turned around, I had to take a double take at the sentence.

“What is the first thing that comes to mind when you read this.?  _If I had a best friend that lost one of their six senses, and I could repair it what would it be and how?_  You have twenty minutes then we will share.” He sat back down while the students did their assignments. 

I repeated the words in my head. This line was different than the others we had this semester and that kind of bothered me. I don’t know why seeing as I have no friends except Armin.

Taking a few moments, I began to write my response as did the rest of my class.  _“If I had a friend that lost one of their senses, having it be “touch”. I would come up with a way to help them feel again.”_  I began to jot down and run an irritated hand through my hair as I kept on writing.

“Alright, your time is up, who wants to share first?” The prof. asked. No one raised their hand but Armin.

Smart ass, you make me jealous sometimes of your optimistic nature.  

“I do sir.” The blonde stood up as the prof nodded. “If I had a best friend that lost one of their major six senses, and it being the sense of sight, I would concoct a plan of creating eye drops that with over time and proper usage , they will be able to see again.” Armin smiled as the teacher grinned.

“Good, short sweet and right on target. Jean, you’re next.” His eyes shifted from Armin to me as I growled lowly.

Figures.

I pushed up from my chair and straightened out my zip up hoodie. I felt everyone’s eyes on me. I hated this feeling but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

“If I had a best friend who lost one of their six major senses, it being the sensation of  _“touch”_ , I would..” I trailed off then put my paper down, clearing my throat some and began to speak again. “I would make a chemical solution then place it into a syringe, having the patient laying on their back so I could inject it properly into each finger and eventually into their arms. It will take a while for the injection to work. However, the patient will end up feeling again,slowly the feeling of burning, of dampness, textures, all of it will come back.” I sat back down afterwards and felt the class’s irises keep on my figure. The prof was shocked to hear my statement.

“That was brilliant,Jean I knew you had it in you. Excellent explanation as well, maybe it'll happen one day.”  With that, he began to teach his class regularly.

\---------------

 The class only lasted for an hour and a half and after that, I was done for the day until around 4ish when my Computer Programming class started. Packing my things and leaving the crowded room,Armin stormed out and pulled me by my sleeve. Nearly causing me to crack my ass on the tiled floor of the hallway.

“Care to explain where that came from?” He pressed as I glanced down at his smaller frame.

“I dunno, it just randomly popped into my head.” I confessed as Armin shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Dude, relax, I know you're stressing out because of finals and all but you need to chill. Take a breather for once.” I put my hand on his shoulder as he watched my movements.

“Jean, it’s not that easy to just relax when I have so much to study for.” He breathed as I gave his shoulder a soft squeeze and offered to buy him a coffee or something. He declined my offer and told me he’ll see me after class and that his study buddy will be over around 3:15 so please let him in. I shook my head “yes” then pivoted on my heel toward the Cafe for a coffee. 

 It was small and kind of cramped, the food was decent from time to time, but all I wanted was a hot cup of heaven. Once I got done paying,I walked back to my dorm too await this "friend" of Armin's to come over. 

 I lived in the second building on the third floor. The apartment like format was alright, not that wonderful but it'll do for now. When I got to my door and fumbled with the keys some, I was greeted by the wonderful bliss of the heater when the door swung open. Dropping my bag in the door way and kicking off my shoes, I went to my bedroom to change out of my skinny jeans and red hoodie.  ****

I plopped on the couch after changing into something more comfortable, like my long pajama pants and an Arctic Monkeys shirt. I honestly didn't care what I looked like in my night class.

A majority of the student there wear their P.Js due to the fact that we’re there from four to nine. I connected my X-Box 360 that I brought from home after changing and started up Saints Row 3. I could go for a good laugh and if you have played that game, you’d know where the hysterical giggles were to come in.

So, a few carjackings and whacking random dudes with the  _penetrator_ , I heard a knock on my door and realized that it was 3:15, Armin’s friend was here and I completely forgot he was coming over.

_Oops_.

I trotted over to the door after yelling that I was coming and opened it. There before me was a tan, freckled nerd who was taller then me by a  few inches. He had on a think winter jacket and jeans that were form fitting. His hand were deeply buried into his jacket pockets. He was shivering slightly. “Uh..H-hi I’m here for Armin, you must be Jean..His roommate, My name’s Marco, it’s nice to meet you.” He babbled as he outstretched his hand to me. Taking it out slowly from his pocket. 

_“Look at this little nerd offering me a handshake.”_  I laughed before grabbing his hand, giving a firm and most likely to rough shake.”Yeah, he told me a friend was coming over, never told me who, but sure come in. Don’t mind me, I was just messin’ around on my-” He peered around my shoulder and his brown eyes widened.

“You have an X-Box?” He questioned as I nodded slowly.

“Yeah,do you?” I pondered as he shook his head.

_“This poor kid had been deprived,someone help him.”_  I complained in my mind. Figuring now would be a good time to let him in, I side stepped out of the way. He thanked me then took a seat at the kitchen table after removing his jacket and snow boots.

I watched him open his text book that said “Calculus”  on the cover. Now I know the true reason for Armin’s aggression. It was the Calculus final that he was so torn up about.

He knew that shit was hard and he wasn't going to be happy with a B+. “Ey, Marco?” I asked as he jumped in his chair.

“Y-Yeah?” he replied as I explained to him that I had class at four and that Armin would be home before I left. “Alright, sounds good..So you’re a Computer Programming major?” I nodded.

“Yeah, what about you?” I unpaused my game while half listening to the freckled man in the kitchen. The only thing I caught was that he was going for Eco. Science. “Oh, fancy.” I stated while he shrugged, going back to his problem that I’d give him five more minutes before he complained.

He didn't.

\------

 Armin came home a half hour later as I was picking up bag to leave for my night class. Marco greeted our blonde companion as he walked into the door and towards the kitchen.

“Alright, I'll see you guys later.” I waved them both off then shut the door behind me after grabbing my coat. I was grateful that my dorm was only a few steps away from the main campus.

Walking in this bitter cold is not my forte, as I kept moving, I pulled my cig box out from my jacket pocket and a lighter too light one up before stepping into the building.

_“Just needed a quick buzz then I’ll finish it after my course. That is if I can make it that long. Doubt it.”_  I mumbled before taking a long well deserved drag then putting my cig out and into my pocket. Blowing out smoke slowly and through my mouth this time.

I had to make sure it wasn't smoking anymore, I can't afford another hoodie at the moment. When I walked in, the lobby was a lot quieter now as I hiked the halls to my course.

It’s usually filled with students yapping to loudly about what happened last night, Who fucked who, who got what on their test and there is always that one person who talks way too loudly on their phone.

The silence is welcoming, until I get into my class and hear the thunderous typing of Computer Programmers going to town on their desk or lap tops.  None of them look up at me, They are way too focused on their screens.

There is one person who notices me and that’s the Prof. See he’s not the one that hates my guts, that’s my Bio teacher Mr. Levi, but his class isn't until Friday.

Mr.Smith can tolerate me for a majority of the time. He tears his eyes from his book as he watches me take my seat. “Evening Jean,” He starts as I give him a curt nod. “How’s your program coming along?” Professor Smith asks while I sit on my bum, placing my bag in the seat next to me.

“It’s getting there, I still have to tweak a few things.” I admit while punching in my password, leaning over to grab my keys I stuffed in my pants pocket earlier, I whip out my flash drive and plug it into the Computer Tower.

“I still can’t believe you can fit your design on a jump drive.” The teacher speaks up but I ignore him,putting my ear buds in so I could concentrate. I loved this program I was making it was designed so I could make an avatar that would speed up my internet for me, help me find things on the web like if I had a research paper to do.

It would  _obey me_  and  _listen to me_  and me  _only_.

It was more of a “helping aid” then anything. However, I wanted to make this thing into something better. Eventually it could make a difference in technology and become a smart program that could do anything and everything.

I didn't have a name for it yet just “PROG:” for now. My eyes stayed glued on my screen as my fingers pounded on my keyboard. So much information and numbers plus symbols went onto one screen and my main CPU screen was just a blue screen with a random avatar on it that sat in the corner.

For now, this thing was gonna be amazing in any field it went in. I dreamed that the Avatar would be this stunning H.D design that could figure out something in a second. A complex Math problem that would take the usual human being about ten minutes, the PROG: would have it done in two minutes tops.

But for some reason, it lacked something that I couldn't put my finger on. Yeah, it was a prototype, but it was missing a key element. 

 Something that I had no idea how to fix..Nor what the hell it even was. I sat back in my seat and sighed, running a hand through my hair in irritation.

This was going to be a long night.. _Long_  and down right  _stressful_. 


	2. Illness and Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's official. I hate the month of October.."

  I didn't come home from my course until around 10:30, I wanted to stay after until I figured out what hell I was missing. I’m stubborn yes, but when all is lost, I turned to Mr.Erwin for help. I came from behind my computer and walked up to him, he watched my moves as he nodded like he was reading my mind or something.

_Creepy._

“Do you need help,Jean?” He asked as I nodded.

“Yeah, somethings missing and I can’t figure it out.” I admitted while handing him my  flash drive. He took it and put it into the USB port on the side of his laptop.

“Walk me through this,Jean.” My Prof.spoke up as I strolled over and brought a rolly chair to place my ass next to him.

“Alright, well it’s uh..password protected for starters.” I gave him a look, shifting my eyes from the screen to my superior.

“Say no more.” He breathed while turning around so I could place my password in. After hitting enter, the program opened to a light blue screen that said _“Welcome Jean!”_  and my little Avatar popped up and smiled, waving gently at myself and my teacher. I named her Shells, due to her having bleach blond hair, blue eyes and a really poorly made green dress.

“Alright so far so good what seems to be the issue?” He asked as I moved the cursor over to Shells and hovered over her.

She did nothing.  

“Sir, I want her to be voice activated and to obey me,listen to me and help me find crap on the web. All she does is glitch and stay in the corner of the screen and does nothing.” Erwin nodded and put his finger to his lips,showing that he was in deep thought.

“Well-” He began as I leaned my elbows on the desk and waited for a reply. “I think she’s missing a scale. One,because you can see her graphics are not that breathtaking, honestly she looks like something you’d see in a 90’s video game. Second, I would work on the coding more to get her more active. Give her emotions and things to do. Now for the voice part, we should test it first before jumping to conclusions.” He finished while reaching over to his desk jore and taking out a head set with an attached microphone.

The type that you’d use if you were playing on XBox Live or a different system. “Is there a specific phrase you say in order to get her attention?” Erwin asked as I shook my head again.  

"Her name is Shells.” I offered as Erwin hummed his reply.

“Okay, how about we give the command and say _“Hey Shells”_ for now. You can change the name later if you end up changing avatars." I shook my head once again as he cleared his throat. “Hey Shells.” He stated as I watched the small girl on my screen stay where she was,not moving at all. “Shells?” He asked,again nothing. “Hm, well it seems that she is missing speech recognition and her hearing is off. You need to fix that yourself so the system will recognize your voice and no one else's, that will take time and I do not mean an hour or so,Jean that will take you years.” Erwin took his headset off as I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I slouched back in my chair. “Think you bit off more then you can-”

“No. I’ll do it I’m just missing something,maybe a relationship between man and computer?” I asked as Mr.Erwin pondered on my somewhat of an idea then nodded.

“A personal connection would help possibly, but I doubt it.” He suggested as I shrugged, it was getting late, knowing Armin, he’d be worried and most likely sending a thousand and five text messages. Glancing up at the clock, I read 10:15.

“I better get going sir.” I sighed as I stood up, taking the chair away from his side and putting it back nonchalantly.

“Suppose you’re right, I’ll see you tomorrow Jean, take care.” He waved me off as I grabbed my bag and headed for the front door.

\----------

Around this time, it was freezing outside, too cold for October and my body craved a smoke, who was I to say no? Reaching into my pocket to grab the half burnt cig, I placed it between my lips while going for my lighter that was in my pant pocket.

Such a bad habit, I know, but it helps with all the stress and shit. Plus not knowing what the hell was missing was just downright aggravating. After I lit up my cig, I pulled out my cell to see if Armin sent me anything, I received two messages from him around the time I was in class,so I unlocked my cell and read them as I walked toward my building. Putting my hood up too protect my ears from getting frostbitten. 

**From: Armin (Smart Ass)**

**Jean, sorry to bother you while in class, but Marco is staying the night, it’s too cold for him to be walking about. His asthma may spike.**

I frowned at the fact that his study buddy had asthma, poor dude must hate when the seasons change. I inhaled the smoke as I scrolled down to read the next message.

**From: Armin (Smart Ass)**

**Heading to bed, Marco and I already ate dinner, we saved you some pizza in the fridge. Please poke your head into my room so I know you got in okay. Marco will be taking the couch tonight. Night Jean :)**

Taking the cancer stick out of my mouth, I blew smoke from my parted lips as the wind blew softly against my hood. _“Alright, the kid has asthma, I’d be alright with him staying. I know I’m a dick, but I’m not_ that _mean.”_ I thought to myself as I climbed the steps.

I took one last long drag before stomping out my cig and pulling the keys out of my pocket. I was gratefully welcomed by the heat in the room.

Oh how I enjoyed that.

I took my jacket and boots off after shutting the front door, flexing my limbs in attempts to warm them back up. It felt like pins and needles were pricking at my fingertips and toes, honestly I didn't care all I wanted was pizza.

Waddling my way over to our kitchen, I opened the fridge and could have sworn I heard a heavenly choir behind me when my eyes fell on that pizza box.

You have no idea how much I adore this...Maybe that’s why I’m single..

_Oh._

After my slight depression cloud hovered over my head, I shrugged it off and went for the microwave to heat up my dinner, taking a paper plate out from the cabinet as I plopped two pieces on it. Setting the timer for thirty seconds. 

Sighing lightly, I took my pizza out of the microwave and leaned against the counter, eating it in silence until I heard Armin’s door open and his footsteps come toward the kitchen. “Hey-” Armin yawned as he rubbed at his eyes.

“Hey to you too” I nodded then took a bite of my pizza.

“How was class”? He asked while reaching for the cabinet to grab a glass.

“Eh, boring.” I said after swallowing the piece I chewed off.

“Really?” He quirked his eyebrow while filling a glass of water.

“Just annoyed that I can-” My statement was cut off by a painful sounding wheeze coming from the couch. Armin put the glass down and jogged over to Marco who was now sitting up with his hand on his chest.

“A-Armin I..-”

“Relax, I know Marco..” Armin smiled lightly then took Marco’s inhaler off the end table and shook it some before giving it to his friend’s trembling hands. I watched as Marco took two deep inhales and exhales before smiling to Armin.

“Thanks for leaving it there..” He whispered as Armin nodded.

“Figured you’d need it sometime tonight, it’s really cold outside. Kind of cold for it being October you know? ” Armin affirmed as Marco nodded.

“Thanks again for letting m-me stay.” He laid back down as Armin smirked.

“I told you, you’re always welcomed to stay.” Ruffling his neatly cut black hair, Armin stood up and returned to my side.

“What was that-” I started as Armin shook his head. 

“Marco get’s frequent asthma attacks in the winter and summer.  Since the first time he slept over, I always put his inhaler and a glass of water on the end table just in case.” He sipped his water as I finished my meal.

“How do you know he’s going to have one?” I asked as Armin ran a hand through his golden hair.

“That painful wheeze you just heard is a good indication that it’s starting. If that doesn't give it away, he’ll have a coughing fit then eventually call for me.”

“That cause you’re going for Emergency Medicine?” I asked as Armin shrugged.

“I guess, but his roommate is always out and he has no one to look after him. I couldn't live with myself if something was to happen to him.” He drew his eyebrows together and took another sip of his drink.

“Ah, I see so you took up the role of roommate of the year. Aw how sweet.” I teased before throwing my paper plate away and returning to where I was.

“I guess so.” He sighed then put his cup in the sink.

“Who’s his roommate?” I asked as Armin yawned again.

“His name’s Eren,  I’m pretty close to him as well, but he’s going for Criminal Justice with his sister, so they’re always out or in class.”  I hummed my reply as he pushed off the counter and made his way to his room. “I’m going back to bed, night Jean.” He waved to me from over his shoulder then shut his door.

I watched him leave then looked down at the floor. _“Now that he told me that, I kind of don’t want Marco sleeping out here by himself..what of he has another attack?”_ I thought then sighed, “Guess I’ll bunk out here tonight” I whispered to myself then made my way to my room to grab a blanket, pillow, my laptop and headphones. I laid my comforter in front of the couch so I was next to him. Glancing at him while he slept was intoxicating.

His freckled cheeks were a bit red, his black hair spreading over the light blue pillow, and how he curled up in a tight ball with two blankets over his shoulders. Sighing lowly, I reached a hand over to move his bangs from out of his face. His skin was soft with a slight warm tinge.

Now don’t get me wrong, I just wanted to make sure he was alright sleeping! Even though he is attractive..when he’s sleeping..-

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I dropped the pillow down along with myself and dimmed my screen so it wouldn't bother him any.  I started up the program and began to type away. Fixing any errors and tweaking at the speech recognition. I stayed up until 5:00 the next morning. Luckily for me, my class didn't start until eleven.

\------  
  I got up and did what I needed to do while Armin was out in his class. He sent me a text saying that Marco was not going to be in class. Armin made him stay indoors and under four blankets.

 Swinging from my room to the kitchen, I pulled out a coffee mug and saw Marco get up from the couch.

“Morning.” I said as he nodded his head and yawned.

“Mornin’” He replied while reaching for a glass.

“Sleep well?” He asked as I blushed lightly, pouring some coffee in my mug that Armin made earlier.

“Yeah,you?” He filled up the glass and shook his head “yes”.

“You slept next to me..” He trailed off and blushed some, while taking a sip of my coffee and watching him put his lips to the rim of the cup and taking a sip.

“Uh..y-yeah about that I uh, I can explain.” I began to sweat as he put the glass down and walk toward me.  

“No need.” He stated then hugged me closely. Mind you I’d be massively weirded out by some dude hugging me out of no where. But he was an exception. He was so warm and I couldn't help but hug him back after putting my mug down.  I wanted more of this warmth against my chest, I wanted to keep him close.

“Marco..” I called as he laid his head on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around my neck as he did so.

“Yes,Jean?” He whispered as his breath tickled my neck.

“A-are you feeling any better?” I asked, bringing my arms around his waist. God this was weird but felt so right at the same time. I had to be dreaming.

“A little, I guess. It takes a lot out of you..I’m so tired..” He breathed while his eyes shut.

“U-uh if you want, I’ll stay here with you?” I offered as he shook his head.

“No, y-you have to go to class..I’ll be fine.” He brought his head up and looked at me straight in the eyes.

“You sure?” I asked as he nodded.

“Yes, I’ll be fine..As long as I have my inhaler beside me, you have nothing to worry about..” He started to let go, but my arms acted on their own and kept my hold on him.

“Promise..?” I asked and as funny as it may seem, I know I barely knew him, but I _want_ to know him. I want _more_ of this warmth and more of his presence around in mine and Armin’s apartment. It was nice and he felt like home.

“Of course.” He smiled lightly when I kept my hold on him.

I wanted to protect him, even if it was from himself I know I can’t take his asthma away, I wanted to try.

\---------

 Once our embrace came to an end sadly, I made my way to the campus while smoking. I gave Marco my number just in case anything was to happen. I took a long last drag then exhaled when I came to the entrance, placing my burnt out butt in the outdoor ashtray.

I ran my hand through my hair while walking into the silent lobby. My course was to start in ten minutes.  Making my way into the classroom, Armin peered up at me over his book. “Wow, you’re actually here on time.” He snickered as I shrugged, taking a seat beside him. “How’s Marco?” He asked as a blush creeped on my cheeks.

“Good, I gave him my number before I left.” I admitted as he nodded, closing his book and resting his chin in his open palm.

“He wouldn't can it about you last night while studying. He seems to have taken a fancy to you Jean.” Armin smirked as my cheeks grew hotter, the memory of our embrace came back. “When he wakes up, he likes to cuddle just an FYI.” Armin blinked a few times before taking his notepad and pen out.

“I noticed.” I stated while following his movements. “Does he do it often?” I asked as Armin nodded.

“Mhm, sometimes more than normal. Just hold him back and he’ll be happy. I don’t know why, but I guess it’s something he got use to when he lived back home with his Mom.” Armin shrugged as I nodded.

“Makes sense, I guess.” I sighed after turning in my seat to look at Armin. “What did he say about me?”

“He said you seemed nice and would really like to get to know you better.” Armin stated while I leaned back in my chair.

_“Wouldn't mind getting to know him either.”_ I thought as our teacher came in after shutting the door.

“Morning everyone today we’ll be looking over a few topics for-” I lost interest in the subject while Armin listened to the teacher speak. Honestly I was too lost in the thought of Marco to really care about what Mr.Jinn was talking about.

My thoughts ceased when I noticed out of the corner of my eye, Armin taking his cell out. He never took it out, not even to tell the time, I knew something was wrong. My eyes trailed up to his face which was nothing but scared out of his mind. His arm shot up.

“Mr.Jinn, I apologize but may I be excused?” He asked as the teacher nodded. Armin packed his things then power walked out of the room.

_“This isn't High school, you can leave when you want.”_  I bickered then had the urge to follow the blond out of the room. So I took my things and ran after him.

I wish I didn't.

“Armin!? What the hell is-” I started as he kept running forward only turning his head briefly to call out to me.

“Jean, It’s Marco. We need to go back now!” He yelled out as I ran to him and followed the blonde out of the building. Sprinting to our building, I saw flashing lights and heard sirens in the distance.

“Did you leave his inhaler on the end table!?” I spoke up as Armin jogged next to me. 

"Yes I did-” We halted our movements as we came to the building which had an ambulance in front of it. “Jean did he show any signs of an attack before you left?” Armin asked as I shook my head.

“He just said he was tired. What did he send you?” I asked as Armin unlocked his phone and opened the message, handing the phone to me, I took it with trembling fingers.

**From: Marco Bodt.**

**Armin, I’m not feeling to well, my chest hurts really bad..I took my inhaler but I think something else is wrong.**

**To: Marco Bodt.**

**Relax, you’ll be alright, do you have your medication?**

**From Marco Bodt.**

**Yeah, I took it but it’s not, oh my god, Armin..I’m coughing up blood what do I do..?**

**To: Marco Bodt**

**Hold on I’m coming! Marco, relax it’ll be fine just stay put.**

**From Marco Bodt.**

**Armin it hea-**

“And that where it ends, someone must of heard him and called." Armin huffed as my eyes widened. 

“Will he be alright, Armin!? Fuck I knew I should have stayed! I was going to skip to make sure he’d be okay. What do we do!?” I was beginning to panic and my body began to tremble. Catching his breath next to me, Armin put his hands on his knees. _“This can't be happening..not now..”_ I thought as the feeling of guilt hung over my head.

“I should have stayed..” I whispered as the medics took Marco out of our room in a stretcher. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is up yay!   
> Sorry about not updating any Fics for a while, been studying for my finals and such but now that they are over, I planned on updating this fic first. Sadly, I had really bad writer's block so I updated "It's Him or Your Wings" instead.   
> So now that my rambling is done and over with, Enjoy Chap.2 <3   
> And I'm VERY happy to say that Legendaerie loved that beginning :DD   
> Yay!! :3
> 
> [Come visit me on Tumblr if you'd like](http://booksimonseesmorphine.tumblr.com/)


	3. The World in Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We drove past cars heading god knows where, a shit ton of trees and ended up at the hospital fifteen minutes later (we hit traffic once we were closer). Him and I parked the car before he killed the engine and turned to me. His bright ocean blue eyes looking down at the steering wheel then back at me.
> 
> “Jean, do you want to stay in the waiting room or come in the room with me? I-I don’t know if he’s allowed visitors yet, but I just want a heads up.” Armin breathed as I stayed silent, his eyes fixated on my trembling hands.
> 
> “Just let me have a smoke, then I’ll meet you in the lobby..okay?” I whimpered, my voice cracking a tad. I’d be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless for my new friend.
> 
> “Alright, come on..He’s going to need our support.” Armin affirmed and emerged from his side of the car. I followed his movements and got out as well. Once the door shut, I lit one up. Taking a well deserved drag while walking with the blond to the front of the building.
> 
> “I’ll meet you inside..” Armin trailed off as I nodded, making my way to the “smoking bench” in silence.

 The paramedics took Marco out of our room and ended up rushing him to the hospital that day. Shaking my head and lighting a cig with trembling hands, Armin sighed heavily, running a hand through his blonde hair while ruffling it in the back.

“Jean, put your cig out, we’re going to see him, and you know-”

“Yeah, yeah. I know sorry.” I took a drag and stomped out the thing under my boot. Dying a tad inside cause it was a huge waste, but that’s not the problem right now.  Armin took my arm and drug me to his car, it wasn’t anything flashy or top of the line. It was just his ‘94 Honda Accord and that thing is a trooper let me tell you.

“Where did they take him?” I asked while Armin unlocked his vehicle and hopped into the driver’s side, leaning over to unlock my door me before replying that they went to the nearest one which was about ten minutes away.

“Trost? Really that’s the closest one!?” I started to panic, I understand that ambulances can get to a hospital in a matter of minutes, but this is Marco we’re talking about here. If anything they should have-

“They’ll get there in time, maybe it’s not so serious?” Armin says while turning the car on and backing out of the lot.

“How do you know!?” I pressed, my body craved a smoke, but Armin is strict with his “no smoking in my car” policies.

“I don’t, Jean! I’m just trying to think positively and hope for the best, okay!? You just met him last night, why are you so worried anyway?” Armin sassed as my eyes widened. He had a point..why was I so uptight about him?

“I-I don’t know I-”

“Then please, relax and stop shouting, we’ll be there soon.” Armin soothes while turning onto the turnpike, my mind going completely blank and silent for the time being.

\----

We drove past cars heading god knows where, a shit ton of trees and ended up at the hospital fifteen minutes later (we hit traffic once we were closer). Him and I parked the car before he killed the engine and turned to me. His bright ocean blue eyes looking down at the steering wheel then back at me.

“Jean, do you want to stay in the waiting room or come in the room with me? I-I don’t know if he’s allowed visitors yet, but I just want a heads up.” Armin breathed as I stayed silent, his eyes fixated on my trembling hands.

“Just let me have a smoke, then I’ll meet you in the lobby..okay?” I whimpered, my voice cracking a tad. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared shitless for my new friend.

“Alright, come on..He’s going to need our support.” Armin affirmed and emerged from his side of the car. I followed his movements and got out as well. Once the door shut, I lit one up. Taking a well deserved drag while walking with the blond to the front of the building.

“I’ll meet you inside..” Armin trailed off as I nodded, making my way to the “smoking bench” in silence.

_“Why him? I don’t understand-”_ I thought to myself, watching countless people come from inside. A mother and father with their new born baby, a child with a broken leg and practically radiating the need to go to school to show off his cast, a young brown haired man with freckles and a backpack-

_“Wait.”_ I mumbled before slipping the filter between my lips and inhaling. “I’m seeing shit. Just relax,man.”  I reassure myself, thinking about nothing until my cancer stick is done. I got up and headed toward the doors after putting it out in the outdoor ashtray.

The lobby was full of people, some were reading, others were talking on the phone while individuals hacked and coughed up a storm. It was gross, but I remembered where I was.

“Jean, over here!” I heard Armin before I saw him, his arm waving and motioning me for me to come closer. I shook my head and walked over and plopped down on the seat he saved for me.

“Any news?” I questioned, Amine shook his head yes and sighed lightly.

“The nurse didn’t say much, just that he’s unable to have visitors at the moment, apparently he came in _“really bad and is being hooked up at the moment”_ ” Armin says while doing the air parentheses to emphasize his point. I hummed my response while watching the suspended television.

I honestly don’t like it here for some reason, it makes me nervous..it’s almost like I have the urge to run and hide, seeing everyone including Armin just sitting here. In the dark like we both are.

I just don’t understand, why him? I keep questioning myself, _“What if I did stay?”_

_"Could I've even helped him?”_

_“What if I just-”_

“Jean” Armin whispers as I nearly jump out of my skin, looking at my partner with wide golden eyes.

“Y-yeah?” I stutter out as he rests his hand on my knee.

“Relax..You’re over thinking things again.” He lulls as I follow his arm down to my knee, my foot has been tapping nervously on the floor.

“S-sorry..can’t help it..I just feel like this is-”

“No, don’t even go there. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s both of ours. We both are to blame.” Armin shakes his head and glances at his own hands, like he’s fighting with himself or something. “Let’s not think of the bad..do you want to go to the cafe and get something to eat?” He asks as I nod my head slowly.

“Yeah, c’mon” I mumbled while sitting up, following the blonde to the cafe and ending up barely touching my food anyway. Armin looks at me through his lashes and sighs.

“Jean, please. You need to stop blaming yourself for this.”

“I should have just stayed-”

“But you didn't now, stop.” Armin presses, my eyes narrow as I poke at my sandwich.

“You’re right..sorry” I need to see him. I need to make sure he’s okay. But why? Why do I care so much about a guy that I just met.

“My god..I should have guessed.” Armin sat back and crossed his arms around his chest.

That caught my attention.

“Hah?” I tilted my head to the side as a smirk played on his thin lips.

“You like him.” Armin guessed as my cheeks lit up. Heat pressing my face and all the way up to my ears.

“Wa- N-no! I do not, I’m worried about him is all!” I stated defensibly.

_What if I do?_

\----

_“Jean”_ Armin drug out my name as I looked away, suddenly excited about the weather outside in regards to our conversation.

“Oh, would you look at that, it’s snowing.”  I  state as Armin gives me a look that says Are-you-serious-right-now.

“You do, don’t you?” He asks as I sigh loudly, bringing my hands to my face while dragging them down, groaning as I do so.

“I don’t know. I’m just really worried about him is all. I just-” My tongue was tied. I didn't know what I was saying. Was I even speaking truthfully anymore?

Armin nodded and stood up from his seat, taking his tray with him before coming back to the table and hovering over me.

“We should get back, do you want a to go box?” He asks as I shake my head, getting on my feet and walking toward the trash like he did moments before. We walked down the vast hallways before I broke the silence.

“Think they’ll us see him?”

“I’m not quite sure yet, I mean we've been here for almost an hour and a half..so maybe.” My companion breathes as we round the corner to see the waiting room looking less filled then when we left it. We both walked up to the counter in hopes that we could see him.

“E-excuse me..uhh..” I started as the nurse glanced over at us from her computer, she had bright blue eyes almost like Armin’s, but here’s were underlined with  small bags, like she hasn't slept a wink in weeks. She was busily typing away as she huffs out a sigh.

“May I help you?” She inquired as my palms began to sweat.

I was getting nervous for her reply that I almost felt like I was going to up chuck right then and there.

Thankfully, Armin answered for me, seeing as my words wouldn't come out at the moment.

“Hey Krista,my friend and I are here to visit Marco Bodt-” Armin started before the nurse- Krista nodded and typed in his name into her computer.

“He can take visitors at the moment, but not for long okay?” she smiled lightly before glancing over at me. “You okay sweetheart?”

“Oh, don’t mind him..He’s just nervous is all.” Armin saved my ass again in a matter of five minutes time.

“Alright, Marco’s room is room 107-” She says before leaning over the desk, extending her arm and pointing down the hallway to my right.  “-Just follow this hallway down and take a left.”

“Alright, thank you.” Armin smiles sweetly before slipping his hand into mine, tugging lightly as I walk with him.

My mind isn't in the right place at the moment. I feel like my body is here, at the hospital, but my mind is somewhere else.

Somewhere I can’t reach.

I just don’t know how to put it right now. Guess I’m more nervous than I originally thought I’d be. But that’s where I’m lost. I just heard that he could have visitors, so why am I still pondering at the thought that I should have stayed?

Guess the guilt is gnawing more at me then anything.

“Jean..hey you there?” Armin waves his hand in front of my eyes as I focus back in. How the hell did we even get to his room so quickly? The hallways looked so vast.

“Y-yeah, sorry man.” I apologized while running a hand through my hair slowly. Taking a deep breath as Armin reaches for the handle. When we stepped in, it was a whole different story.

\----

 Armin was the first to walk in seeing as I felt like my feet were glued to the floor and my lungs were being squashed by an invisible weight. I wanted to move, believe me, it’s just that I _couldn't_ move.

That is, until I heard Armin say hi to Marco, that’s when my feet started to move. Armin kept speaking as I moved into the room.

“Hey buddy, how ya feeling?” He asked as the sound of a wheeze pierced my ears.

I felt the need to run like hell.

“G-good.” He stuttered. Marco’s voice was barely audible, like he was straining to even _whisper_.

“Hey, I brought a friend with me.” Armin stated while looking up at me, a small smile played on his face.

“Who-?” If he would have turned his head, he would have seen me,however, his attention was on Armin for the time being. Armin shook his head in my direction as Marco turned to me, his pale skin and sunken in eyes seemed to have brightened when his tired brown eyes fell on my trembling being. A weak smile grew on his beautiful face.

Dammit..

“Jean..!” His rough voice squeaked at the end, making my heart flutter and my stomach drop to the bottom of the floor.

“H-hey..” I whispered, he didn't even look that bad. He just seemed very tired and weak. Granted he had the oxygen thing up his nose and an IV going, he looked decent. A lot better than what my mind pictured him to look like.

“C’mere..” He waved me over slightly and without thinking, I went and ended up right beside him and took his hand into mine. He felt cold and distant almost like he was-

“I’m sorry.” I whimpered, choking back tears as he loosely gripped my hand.

“It’s okay.” Marco trailed off, his eyes slipping open and closed. If I didn't know any better, I’d say he was blushing lightly. Marco held both mine and Armin’s hands as tightly as he could. “Should have-” He wheezed again, it sounded so painful that it made Armin and I cringe. “S-sorry.”

“No no, it’s okay. What did the Doctors say?” The blonde inquired as Marco’s gaze went towards him.

“Said I have Pneumonia.”

“Damn..” I whispered, his gaze fall back on me. His gorgeous brown eyes that I wished I got to see more of made me breathless.

“I’ll be okay,t-they just said-” I realized that he couldn't talk much, every time he went to say something that was more than one word, he’d wheeze or cough. It sounded horrible. What hurt worse was that there was nothing I could have done to help.

I should have stayed.

“Have to-stay here for a bit.” Marco struggled while I gripped his hand tighter, I felt like I was losing him.

But what if I wasn't?

Was I just over reacting?

“Well-” Armin’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts as he smiled at Marco.

“Jean and I will visit you as much as we can. Hope you don’t get tired of us.”

“Would never.” Marco chuckled lightly before Armin excused himself to use the restroom. Leaving Marco and I alone for a short period of time.

“Marco..I’m sorry. I should have stayed..M-maybe if I did, you wouldn't be here in this mess.” I just let the tears flow freely. I can’t hold it in anymore.

Marco was silent for a few seconds before his eyes opened up and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

“Not your fault.” He whispered lowly before tugging on my hand to bring me closer to him. “Closer,please..” He mumbled as I went willingly.

I know, I know I shouldn't be near a guy who currently is all banged up and coughing up a storm, but I wanted to be close to him. I needed to be close to him.

He moved over as much as he could to give me space to lay beside him. Marco wrapped an arm around my shoulders. Causing me to lay my head on his chest to hear his heart fluttering and picking up pace.

“Marco..Marco,I..What’s wrong? Your heart is racing..-” My voice cracked as he lazily stroked my hair.

“That’s what happens when-” He coughed again before finishing his words “- someone you like is right beside you..” He mumbled while ruffling my hair some. I didn’t think my face could get as red as it did.

“Y-you what..?” It felt like I had a mouth full of marbles, my expression must have given me away. He was cackling and wheezing again. “What’s so funny?”

“You..” He whispered before shutting his eyes again after Armin came back and slipped back into his seat.

“M-Marco?”

“Yes,Jean?”

“Promise me something?” I was on the verge of another round of tears as he peers over at me.

“Anything.” He breathed, Armin watched us both as we exchanged words.

“When you get outta here, let me sleep beside you again?” My eyes traveled up his arm and landed on his face, his pink tinted freckled cheeks and watery brown eyes peered deep into my soul.

“I promise.” He stated while stroking my hair again, Armin silently watching us have our moment that I wished would have lasted a lifetime.

A week later and he was gone.

\----

Seeing him just laying there all dolled up and pretty tore me into pieces, all those things that were left unsaid, everything I had planned for us for when he made it back home.

Gone

“I should have stayed..” I mumbled as Armin slips his hand into mine, much like how he did at the hospital. Taking me up too see him one last time before they closed the lid on him.

“M-Marco-” I started while Armin squeezed my hand, showing me that he was there for me as the tears stain my neatly pressed suit.

“You promised..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god this hurt TT_TT But way over due update for this fic, hope it's enjoyable! Please no tears! It get's better I promise!
> 
> [Come Visit Me on Tumblr if You'd Like! :)](http://booksimonseesmorphine.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you like this Legendaerie. I was really nervous about putting it up here and dedicating it to you but I sucked it up and went for it. I love your Render fic and I hope you enjoy my gift to you :)  
>  I had this idea while stocking shelves at work. and decided to write it out so I wouldn't forget it. Plus I thought the plot was pretty cool sounding.  
>  Also sorry if Chap.1 is boring it gets better I promise.  
>  Writer's block sucks :(
> 
> [Come Visit me on Tumblr if you would like](http://booksimonseesmorphine.tumblr.com/)


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